ABOUT THIS SONG
In this Christmas Eve Service I got really personal, and transparent about some deep issues for me. You see, I had already had ten years of this level of sharing under my belt and, honestly, the congregation expected that from me to some degree. If they connected on the level of the song, there was a lot of vicarious clearing and release in the safety of these Light filled nights. The personal testimony in song grew in importance to me as well. I did not, in any way, take this presentation lightly. I was getting guidance from me and from the bigger picture. My only intent was to be true to both of these resources.
Yes, the love thing, of the human kind, had not been clear or kind to me thus far, especially in the early years. I selected a family of origin that was complicated to begin with. It only grew to be more so as the main players came and went. It was episodic, it was very unpredictable, it was tough...it was ultra rich and filled with endless opportunities for learning and rising above the current forms of things. I entered into a world of the wounded...every major player had been wounded significantly in their incarnation already. And, from the beginning, I knew there was a capacity I carried, and would continue to carry for understanding. Much of the trauma, aside from the pain, did not mean that much to me. Major lessons became clear to me quickly. I did not carry a grudge that long. I released it often via music I would compose...as I got older that is..in the early days it was the sounds I would make when playing alone in the yard. Everything, especially my blowing up of the little green army men had a vocal soundtrack...and I released tons of unspoken hurt in that activity.
I really paid attention. And since I was a premature, Cesarean, incubator baby, I was pretty darn comfortable with being alone at a very early age. Nothing anyone could do would isolate me more than what I had already experienced. And that gave me a freedom to be present more, longer, looking for information, clues...perhaps fodder for future songs, or mentorings and classes I would eventually be facilitating.
And yet, I was looking for Love...with all of my might. The irony is that I had really had no experience of what that is/was. So I was looking for something I did not know anything about...the older I got and the more experiences I had had and likely slipped away from, the more a form began to show. It was the 15 years of deep inner work in one way or another that began to acquaint me with the Nature of this love thing. What also began to show up was the Big Love on the universal level, the actual fabric of our design and life and all matter. And, honestly, that was something I got right away. I was aligned and understood that. It was the human thing that still tripped me up...and to that I poured my confusion into another attempt to say I got it...
...and me I'm gazing inward at the ever glowing Light...and I love with all my might...strange way to put it. And that was part of the challenge as I was using my wisdom, my experience, my thoughts to force love to work...when the big Love just is...I had yet to discover the power of surrender and getting out of my own way to allow the unfolding...
I was on the precipice of bringing my Inner Child Self into the arena with my adult so they could find one another again...the little one is calling, the big one hears a voice...the little one says love me, the big one makes the choice...it's a very tender moment...a turning point in life...as the star shines so brightly in the sky...
Towards the end of the song, this whole dance falls apart and I spill the beans, in a effort to step out of the familiar eddy, the place that trapped me over and over and over...all of my life I had held on, pushing love away, closing the doors, pulling the blinds, thinking I'd be OK...
While all along the answers were a simple, not easy or even apparent, shift away...a tilt of the head...a choice to do something different at that critical time...and still the little one called and the big one heard. It was a love language thing...the little one called from the melange of the wounds and the deep inner knowing...while big one just kept trying to make sense of the messages he remembered, kind of hearing the little one...but only long enough to trigger the old (when they say they love you they are going to leave you, men leave, love cannot be trusted to last, you are better off on your own doing what you need to do...and you are so damn good at being on your own) and divert. What a long and winding road..
This song, like the so many other attempts was just a step along the way, another peppering of awareness and insight that gave us all something to work with. Many have been companions on the journey without even realizing or knowing it. It has always been in the songs..so listen here and listen deeply. We, as humans, are so alike...sure the particulars are different...so listen, experience, apply the awareness...and text me when you figure it out...
SONG LYRICS: I LOVE (with All My Might)
There’s a little child born
Every waking breathing Moment
A little child crawls out of the past
Another heart is open
Another soul set freed
Another life feels deeply At last
And the Winter coats the Countryside
Everything is still
The child says, “I’m hungry”
The child always will
And me, I’m gazing inward
At the ever growing light
And I love with all my might
There’s a little child heard
When the doors and walls Are opened
A little child with bright, true eyes
Another memory fading
Another limitation gone
A little hand much closer To the prize
And the winter whispers, “Change”
But not everybody hears
The child says, “I’m ready”
The child feels the fears
And me I'm gazing inward
At the ever growing light
And I love with all my might
The little one is calling
The big one hears a voice
The little one says love me
The big one makes a choice
It’s a very tender moment
It’s a turning point in life
As the star shines so brightly in the sky
There’s a little child smiling
In an unprotected field
Sitting in this worthiness just found
No longer in the shadows
No longer one alone
Ah, laughter is a very precious sound
And the winter leans to Springtime
The ice is almost gone
The child tells the papa
“It’s time for moving on”
And I’m still gazing inward
At the ever growing Light
And I Love with all my might
For all of my life I have held on
Pushing love away
Closing the doors Pulling the blinds
Thinking I’d be OK
For all of those times Something held on
The other side of what can be
Here in this time
Here in my hand
Here is my Love my destiny
© 2003.Music for Every Soul. All Rights Reserved.
06 Love With All My Might