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Jesus, The Christ MP3 Download: When I Am Gone

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This song is a mixture of the human and the Divine. As the first song I wrote in the now 30 plus songs that champion the eternal story and the Great Awakening we are currently in, the preciousness of this one is exponential. It was April of 1989 when I was about to share, perhaps my 6th song at my new spiritual home at Unity of San Luis Obispo, California. I wanted to write something for Easter as it was the upcoming Sunday. I thought of Jesus on the cross, already nailed up. The Unity Good Friday service was based on the seven last words of Jesus. It was a beautiful, evocative, and powerful experience every time I did it, and this was going to be the 4th time.

i got to thinking that if Jesus was indeed being Christed in this process, then He would be in these moments a very conscious being. I followed with the understanding that would be immersed in the human self, as well as the Spiritual Self, and would be seeing through both sets of eyes. He would be feeling something. And since in Gethsemane, He kept asking about the Apostles, I figured He would be sad to leave them, and concerned about their well being. And I put the women who loved and traveled with Him in the pot of those He would be sad to leave. So, this song is affirming a time of extreme clarity when all of the senses were heightened, as Jesus knew He was leaving his physical experience of the Earth plane. What a glorious time of year on Earth, magnificence in bloom, so full of beauty, so full of life...all the creatures reaching out for Love to fill the heart within...I've walked this beauty, I've walked this life...  

The song is an easy country folk rock song in the foundational key of C. I always sang it as a solo voice and a guitar because it was personal. The choir would join me later to emphasize certain sentiments and elements. Parts of the song, especially the goodbye section was borrowed from a boyhood song sung by Gene Pitney called, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence. The scene in some ways similar to that story. You can replace the crucifixion with a hanging and give it a one five bass and you're down in Arizona in the 1800's... For the day will come when the loving Son lifts everyone to the Great Kingdom, when the people shall be free...

It is poignant and emotional. Jesus was so clear, and loved all who had walked with Him. I can see Him making eye contact with each at some point, sending telepathic and ethereal message of gratitude and deep Love...before He spoke the words, "It is finished..."

When I wrote this, I knew I had something. I actually had four days to practice it. I cried through it every time I sang it. It really did something to I remember clearly the scene and the experience...That Saturday night, the band I was in, the Whales Knees, was playing at Commozi's Saloon in Cambria, where I live now. We had finished our set and were doing the load out into the green Dodge van we had. There was only one box of cords left, sitting near the van in a light green milk crate...perfect for musicians and their cables stash. I was thinking of the next morning, Easter morning, when I would present this song for the first time, and leaned down to pick up that box of cables. I had never, in this incarnation, felt such a pain shoot through me. It was Lumbar 5, just behind the Sacral Chakra that a knife had pierced me from behind. A shout, followed by no movement and a cold sweat bursting out all over me. I did not know what to do...a portion of the song ran through my mind...what a glorious sky awaiting me, my Love is in full bloom, bless all this beauty, bless all of life...

Gently, I squatted down and picked up the box with arms and legs only. The pain was there but I was able to find a position which allowed movement. The van door was still open, so I shimmied over to the opening and set the box down gingerly, closing the doors one at a time, being careful not to twist. I then waddled around to the driver's door and got into the captain's seat...remember it was a van and the driver just sat straight up with arms over the steering wheel. I made it home, made it to bed, and made it to sleep with difficulty...hoping that the morning would bring a release of the spasms...

It did not...I had to shower, dress, and get my gear and be at church for the double service on Easter Sunday. It was resurrection Sunday...I was aching and was feeling bummed. When I arrived at the church, I took a long time to get to the stage where a microphone and music stand pointed to my performance position. For those there before service, the sympathy came fast to me...I was grateful but all I wanted to do was find a way to do the song. I could stand straight up. Couldn't get into the song because I did not want any movement that would exacerbate the we settled on a stool. I stayed on stage as the service began, and when my turn to sing came, I moved over to the stool...looked out at the crowd...took a deep breath and began cheek balancing on the stool...the best I could do.

It was a sublime experience for me. I was wounded. My Sacral Chakra had finally said "enough!..I will no longer hold your must be released"...and release it did. For, as I sang the song, I went to my own crosses and walked back through my wounds, my abuses, the unspoken...all of that came out in this song as I sang like I was the one being crucified...It was in slow was was was felt by all..the angels had gathered...I hear a pure voice calling me, your angels have arrived, I Am the beauty...I Am the Light...I remember those years as a little bitty child when I walked in the Ancient Land (San Miguel California) I remember John at the river (my constant companion, Markalark,my guardian angel, who held my hand and comforted me after all those things happened) when I first felt your I give my Essence back to you, I bid this Earth them remember...

I was sweating, my cheek was numb, my back was throbbing...I was looking out over the beautiful sea of people, and I was simply grateful....for the long journey thus far, for the wounds and the circumstances and the players and the rage and fear....for this slippage that had been initiated by my own Higher Self who simply knew, "It is finished"...for the healing journey that lay ahead....the song wound in multiple places at the same time, still singing the song like it was about me...people said later.. what a glorious time of year on Earth, magnificence in bloom, so full of beauty, so full of life....the last chord...the last strain of my voice...the silence that filled the room...the reception line after the service was over. The look in the eyes of those who witnessed whatever it was...I just cried...for so many things that were mine and also from a time so long ago...sometimes service is like that...used by Spirit in such a sublime way.

I got some water and had a doughnut...and prepared for the next service. The magic had lifted and the second service listeners heard a beautiful and powerful song...but missed being there like all of us were at the first service...
What a glorious time of year on Earth
Magnificence in bloom
So full of beauty, so full of Life
All the creatures reaching out for Love
To fill the heart within
I’ve walked this beauty
I’ve walked this life
I carried Your Word To the multitudes
I lived a life of Love
I spoke the Truth And the good, good news
And always felt Your Love
Now I stand before you, Father
I’ve seen the world through Your sweet eyes
Your very Will is mine
What will they remember?
When I Am gone
All the mountains show Your Majesty Your kingdom is in bloom
Reflects Your beauty Reflects Your Light
And Your children rekindle Innocence
They open to Your Love
Wrapped in Your beauty Wrapped in Your Light
They’ll learn that peace Is Heaven on Earth
They’ll learn of brotherhood
They’ll learn to find the Light Within
They’ll learn that all is good
And they’ll stand before You, Father
Help them see through Your sweet eyes
To love You just like me
Help them remember
When I Am gone
     Goodbye Mary, most
     Heavenly Mother
     My Father, Joseph,
     My time has come
     Mary Magdalena, Simon Peter
     Brother John and Matthew,
     My dearest ones
     James and Andrew,
     Phillip and Nathanial
     Friends Thomas and Simon,                   
     Brother Judas, too
     Carry the Truth to the near and far
     To the hearts of one and all
     Help them see just what they are
     Help them climb their walls
     For the day will come          
     When the Loving Son
     Lifts everyone to the great Kingdom
     When the children shall run free
     Let my Love live eternally 
     Deep in your heart
     For now I rise and now I go and now I say farewell
What a glorious sky awaiting me
My Love is in full bloom
Bless all Your beauty, bless all of life
I hear a pure voice calling me, your angels have arrived
I Am the beauty, I Am the Light
I remember those years as a little bitty child
When I walked in the Ancient Land
I remember John and the river
When I first felt Your hand
Now I stand before You, Father
As I give my Essence back to You, I bid this Earth farewell
Help them remember
When I Am gone
What a glorious time of year on Earth
Magnificence in bloom
So full of beauty, so full of Life

        © February 1, 1998. Music for Every Soul. All Rights Reserved.

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